Slighted Siblings

So many of my friends are just now having their children or adding to their family. Thinking back to the bundle of joy that I brought home as an addition to my family. An 8 year old boy was eagerly anticipating the arrive of his baby brother. Which got me thinking of today's topic of my blog. Siblings of a special needs child. Now straight away there was no cause for any inkling that he was going to be a special needs child and you are dealing with normal sibling rivalry. I will not tell you that there is a special exception because there's 8 years in between the two; there have been plenty of fights as if there were two two-year olds in the house. I often wonder if all the things that I have done over the years to ensure that he feels no different from anyone else did I some how slight my other child. There were many things put into place and many allowances made. I have friends who have special needs children too and sometimes you hear "oh, well that's just what we do." or "that's "Joe" for you." Not that anyone ever really complained or said something but sometimes you can almost see the look on their faces that they feel like they are not getting enough. Sure they don't blame you (or they do and never really say anything) and they definitely do not blame their sibling (secretly they do but then feel regret because after all it really isn't something that can be help or prevented) but you can still "sense" that something is off. Or maybe it is not "off" because of their actions but it is something that you feel. I have seen some kids say that they wished they didn't have "Joe" or "Jane" as a sibling because they got all the attention. Too many problems that always needed to be fixed. I know my oldest felt that his brother could do anything and get away with it~ especially when he was angry. "You always blame his moods and you never do anything!" That would be the statement echoed for many months if not a year or two. It's not that you didn't want to discipline bad behavior you just had to discipline it differently. Which was not understood by a 10 year old. And if I could be honest with my oldest who was a child with ADHD (hyper is putting it mildly)had many allowance made for him as well.Could you have found a way to do things differently? Found more time to spend with them? Being a single parent (limited income should be implied) with a special needs child; I am not really sure how I could have made more time in my day? Or find a way to have spent a special one on one day with my eldest. We were already cramming doctor appointments, dental appointments, medication therapy appointments, physical therapy appointments, occupational therapy appointments, school meetings, IEP/504 Plan meetings,social activities as a family and little leagues. I guess when I pondered on this topic my own feeling of inadequacy came into play. Did I do enough? Not sure. Not even remotely sure. But my eldest is a fine young man, who is serving in our military and well the child that spawned this blog is slowly shaping up to becoming a decent young man who is completely different from the child that you have read about. All the hard work that we have done over the years. Sure it is worth it but could I have done more for my oldest? That will forever be the burning question (and not sure I will ever ask). Trying to live a life that is not full of regrets especially when it comes to you children is extremely hard to achieve.