Birthday Parties

The first year we decide to have a birthday party for him it went off without a hitch as it was just a small gathering of a few of his favorite classmates and a girl he adored. The party lasted about 2 hours. He was a little bit annoyed when his friends were blowing the birthday horns but he kinda just laughed it off. In the video of the party you can see him covering his ears and looking his friends like they are just crazy for being so noisy. We are able to distract his by asking him to make a wish and blow out the candles. Next year he asked to have another birthday party and invite his friends from school. The tides had changed a bit so we weren't sure who to invite and sent out invitation for him to hand out in class. Kids showed up who weren't invited (neighborhood kids looking to score birthday cake and a hotdog). No worries he though it was cool to have so many "friends" at his party. But then the "rain clouds" move in for no reason what so ever. His mood changed and he doesn't want to interact with anyone. He sits off by himself. You ask what's the matter. "I don't know". His favorite answer; if he answers at all. We would have one more birthday party before we finally call it quits on parties. The same thing happened just like last year. I actually have a picture of him standing in front of his birthday cake with his arms folded across his chest in protest but blowing out the candles anyway. It is funny to look back on photos like that and just laugh. But at the time you wonder what in the world is blowing through his mind. What, if anything, is the matter. You are having a birthday party. Friends are here and you have the birthday cake of your dreams. No amount of cheer can make the "rain clouds" go away. Over the years there would be no more birthday parties. He would want a cake for himself and maybe to share with a friend or two who just happen to wander over to the house. No fanfare, no fuss. It was kind of sad not to plan birthday parties for him the way I planned birthday parties for my oldest. I have a couple birthday pictures of him and his cake. Last year for his birthday he didn't want any cake at all. No nothing. That was odd. Even when I bought a cake anyway he didn't even want to blow out the candles. He ate the cake and that was about it. This birthday will be his 16th. Have no clue as to what if anything he wants to do. Now on the flipside........ he never got invited to any of his classmates birthday parties. I cannot recall one invite. Sure he had friends in class but there were problems during the school day and I couldn't help but to think that because of his behaviors he never got an invite. It didn't seem to bother him or at least he never said anything about it. I could wonder though, if he got a few invites but didn't say anything about wanting to go because it would be uncomfortable for him. We hear stories all the time from other parents of special needs children that birthday parties are a horror show. We even see Facebook post from parents who post about no one showing up to their child's birthday party (which is completely heartbreaking). He has been lucky in that respect; he has had friends over the years who accept him for who he is. They don't poke fun or distance themselves when there's a problem or goes "radio silent" (which can happen quiet often). I can reflect on the fact that it has been odd not to be able to plan birthday parties, no birthday balloons, party games and gathering of friends~you know the thing some parents thrive for. But on the flip side there were no problems with noise or other kids running around and no problems with everyone getting the exact size piece of cake {especially not eating the piece with your name on it}. No problems, just peace and quiet.